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Medical
Advice: How to Talk with Your Doctor about Embarrassing Medical Problems
by Vicki Rackner
The realization hit Natalie like a ton of bricks. Her mother, Joann, had
literally died of embarrassment! Joann had noticed blood in her stool
almost a year before she was diagnosed with colon cancer. At first she
told herself it must have been those beets she ate. Then she thought it
was most likely her hemorrhoids, although she had not had a flair-up of
hemorrhoids since Natalie’s birth 52 years earlier.
The truth was that Joann was embarrassed to talk with her doctor about
private topics such as her bowel habits. She didn’t raise the concern
with her doctor until she had bloating, cramping and abdominal pain. This
led to the diagnosis of colon cancer that ultimately took her life.
Natalie’s brother-in-law, who was a nurse, wondered whether Joann would
still be alive if she had told her doctor about the blood in her stool
when she first noticed it.
Let’s face it; certain topics are embarrassing to talk about with your
doctor. I call them the 5 P’s:
• Peeing
• Pooping
• Paying
• Procreating
• Psychic moaning
Although at first blush the challenge of talking with your doctor about
embarrassing medical topics seems simple enough, for some people, it can
cause significant suffering.
Hillary, for example, had what’s now called a shy bladder. She had not
used a public restroom in over 20 years. She was too embarrassed to talk
with her doctor about this; instead, she remained a prisoner to her
bladder.
Ed was laid off from work and could no longer afford his asthma
medications. Instead of talking with his doctor about it, he decided to do
without. He wound up in the emergency room with an asthma attack that
could have been avoided with regular medication.
Tom had some sexual side effects from his blood pressure medicine. Instead
of talking with his doctor and getting a different medicine, he just
stopped taking it. The doctors wonder if this might have contributed to
his heart attack.
Jerry noticed his loss of appetite and sleeping problems as his caregiver
responsibilities for his aging father mounted. He wondered if he might be
depressed, but dismissed the thought because real men don’t get
depressed.
Imagine how each of these stories might have been different if these
individuals who suffered in silence could have talked with their doctors.
Here are 6 tips that can help you talk with your doctor about embarrassing
medical topics:
1. Own the embarrassment.
Say to your doctor, “This is a taboo topic in our family, so it’s hard
for me to ask. Is it normal to have a funny smell coming from your belly
button?”
2. Find the words.
Your doctor speaks a specialized language acquired through years of
training. Sometimes patients are embarrassed because they don’t know the
“right words” or have a hard time describing the problem.
Remember that your job is to communicate. You don’t need to know the
fancy words to do that. If a patient said to me, “Dad had an operation
on the dingle-ball thing at the back of his throat”, I would know just
what he meant. And, the patient would seem relieved when I said, “Oh,
you mean the uvula.”
The best way to make sure you and your doctor understand each other is to
use anatomically correct words. Get a basic anatomy atlas. Use
anatomically correct words with your children.
3. Practice saying the words.
Sometimes embarrassing words can be hard to get out of your mouth.
Gertrude, a 90-year-old patient said to me, “You youngsters don’t
understand how much things have changed. When I got breast cancer in the
1962, the words ‘breast’ and ‘cancer’ were not uttered in polite
company.” Some words are still embarrassing to say. Practice saying
these words out loud when you’re alone! That will make it easier to say
them at the doctor’s office
4. Find the right person to ask.
You may have an easy rapport with the nurse or physician’s assistant at
your doctor’s office. You can bring up the sensitive topic with them.
Say, “Trish, could you please give the doctor a heads up. I want to know
why I should say no to those steroids my buddies at the gym are offering
me. I would love to look like they do.”
5. Find the right way to ask.
Maybe it’s easier for you to drop a note or a cartoon to your doctor
rather than ask in person. Find the style that works best for you.
6. Remember that your doctor is there to help you, not to judge you.
Your doctor has heard it all before. I promise! Your doctor will not think
less of you for asking an embarrassing medical question; in fact, your
doctor with think more of you for overcoming your fear and helping you
take charge of your health.
_____________________
Dr. Vicki is a board-certified
surgeon who left the operating room to help families take the most direct
path from illness to optimal health. Her book, “The Personal Health
Journal”, can save your life today by helping you understand your health
story. Empower yourself with the tips and tools that will help you direct
your story and partner with your doctor more effectively at: http://www.drvicki.org/drvicki-store-health-journal.htm
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