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Check Your Premises: Do You Face
Challenges As The Warrior or The Wise One?
by Trish Whynot, D.C.Ed.
Do you believe in miracles—changes that occur as if by magic? Or do your premises—your basic assumptions about
reality—exclude their possibility? If your premises are based on a Warrior mentality they will promote fighting for what you want and defending what you have. But if they are based on a Wise One mentality they will promote feeling your disappointment all the way back to its roots for the purpose of healing and growth. A Warrior mentality will promote working hard to earn what you want and a Wise One mentality will promote working hard to become the person you need to be in order to receive it. Our premises determine our responses to life; they determine our capacity to thrive physically, socially and financially. And our free will is exercised in determining which premise we choose to adopt.
“Check your premises” is a phrase that Ayn Rand uses in her thought-provoking masterpiece,
Atlas Shrugged. When something is confusing it is always beneficial to
check your premises—the foundation upon which you base your responses to life. And the actions you take in life are based on these responses. For example, in the face of conflict do you fight (Warrior) or do you seek understanding (Wise One)? Our society tends to have a Warrior mentality: we fight for peace, we fight illness, we battle with our weight, we war against drugs, we fight to save our marriages. But can this expenditure of our energy work effectively, especially when the problem itself indicates that we are already over-expended?
What if we were to seek understanding instead of doing battle? What if the problems listed above are actually showing us something about ourselves as individuals and as a society that needs changing? And what if these changes could bring us our desired outcomes in a way that fighting never could? A Wise One knows this to be true. She knows that her conflicts are actually in support of her becoming more authentic in her living and loving by showing her where she is weak in these areas. She knows that emerging as a victor from our physical, social and financial challenges means emerging wiser and more compassionate rather than emerging as the winner of a battle. She knows that the feelings stirred up by a challenge are designed to take us back to where we need to go to
make our changes—to show us why we are seeing signs of depletion—if only we would learn to respond to them rather than react to them. When we fight a problem (Warrior) we turn it into the enemy, but when we see it as a messenger (Wise One), we can heed its call for change.
The most fundamental premise we hold is about the nature of the world we live in. Is it friend—designed to help us—or foe—designed to hinder us? I am suggesting the premise that the world is designed to help us—a premise that initiates change from the inside out rather than forcing change on the outside as a substitute for change on the inside—as a substitute for developing your capacity for living and loving. My profundity, “Some old people are wise, and some are just old” arose from this premise. The “wise” ones have learned to live and love with grace and the “old” ones (Warriors) have learned to live and love with force—force as in control, outsmart, debate, defend and manipulate in an effort to outwit suffering versus lifting ourselves out of suffering through learning to live and love more authentically. Living and loving with grace is living and loving in a balanced, fluid, pure, uplifting way. Living and loving with force is living in fear-of-losing-love, which is depleting, corrupted, pushy and will only serve to bring us down even further and harden us. I am not suggesting that you take no action but rather that actions motivated by love will be different from those motivated by fear.
What are your premises?
Influences such as family, religion, society and schooling help shape our premises and we then interpret life based on them. If you believe your world is designed to help you, you will be looking for the supportive essence to your experiences, but if you believe that your world is designed to hurt you, you will see what appears on the surface to be suffering and not even be aware that there could be more to it than what meets the eye. Living in a world filled with suffering calls forth from us dramatically different responses than those called forth by a world filled with support. The voices of “reason” inside our heads tell us stories about ourselves, our circumstances and others, based on our premises. And I use the term “reason” loosely because these voices are only as reasonable as the premises from which they spring.
Based on my premise that the world is designed to help us, I believe that our prayers are always answered … that every day is a miracle … that a miracle is a product of our desires … and that Love is the fabric from which miracles are made.
Far from wishful thinking, these beliefs have emerged from some of the deepest, darkest moments of my life. The truth did not reveal itself in the midst of my battles, but rather from the times when I stopped fighting, surrendering long enough to ask questions like, “What’s the point?” or “Why me?” When I asked, I was always shown the answer. Over time I learned to stop wasting time fighting and to ask as my first rather than my last resort. I learned the value of seeking understanding and it opened me up to a world that could provide answers. I wouldn’t trade my journey for anyone else’s, not even the suffering parts because it has all been rich with value. That doesn’t mean that I would choose suffering, but when it shows up, I pay attention. This Wise One
mentality, as I have come to call it, continues to expand to encompass deeper Truths and greater Love. When we pursue understanding—learning, healing and growth—through our experiences our reality will reflect the luminosity of our changes. Sometimes we need to delve deeper in order to soar higher.
Wise One versus Warrior
A Wise One knows that his world is designed in support of his pursuits and that his power lies in his capacity to be truthful and loving—the more truthful and loving, the more powerful and the more powerful, the more luminous his life becomes. Health, relationship or financial problems serve to signal a need for development—they are calls to change an aspect of how we live and love—an indication of imbalance—either too much energy is going out or our energy is stagnant. When we fight problems, we are fighting the messenger and resisting the very changes that can bring us back into balance.
So let’s apply Einstein’s Definition of Insanity here and stop applying the very force that caused our problems in expectation that it will alleviate them. Let us seek understanding instead, in the faith that a “problem” is actually a call to mature from Warrior to Wise One —a call to purify and balance our loving, a call to be honest with our feelings and the motives for our actions. And you can be Warrior in one area of your life and Wise One in another and a junior Wise One in yet another since development in different aspects of your life occurs at different rates. When you are warrioring—applying force—it’s a sign that you are resisting feeling some suffering that is already present inside yourself and fighting its reflection outside yourself instead. If you just fight your circumstances, you spread suffering by causing harm to others and/or by causing additional suffering to yourself.
A Warrior believes that his fear is a weakness and will repress it (which takes force and is thus depleting) in his efforts to be strong. But a Wise One is honest with himself when he is fearful because he knows that is the loving thing to do—he knows how truth and love work to his advantage when they are pure and balanced and this wisdom, when applied, is his strength.
The Wise One has not dismissed his inner Warrior but he has redirected his purpose from looking good to being good. He acknowledges his humanness so when he catches himself applying force, perhaps by pushing for someone else to change, he knows that it is a heads up that he has met some resistance to feeling some suffering inside himself. A Warrior will push for the other person to change so that he won’t have to feel the feelings the other person’s behavior is bringing up for him. (The other person has her own set of issues but she is also a messenger) From here the Wise One will refocus his
warrior energy toward seeking and tending to his suffering in search of understanding rather than trying to change others and insisting that it is only because he cares. In
the end a Wise One may invite others to change if appropriate, but he won’t need them to and he won’t be a doormat to the suffering of others either.
Case Study
Sheila’s husband, Ron, has a heart condition yet has been eating poorly. She’s getting noticeably frustrated as she tells me what has been going on. She has been pushing him to make better choices and he has met her with resistance. I asked Sheila why she has been pushing.
Sheila: “Because I love him.”
Dr. Trish: “Are you sure that is why?”
Sheila: (with a hint of defensiveness) “Yes.”
Pause
Dr. Trish: (My voice softens because I hear the fear behind her defensiveness. She’s trying to look warrior-strong) “Close your eyes for a minute. Bring yourself back to a time when you were asking Ron to eat better. Okay, now tell me what you were feeling at the time.”
Sheila: (Her voice softens) " Fear.”
Dr. Trish: (Tenderly) “Okay, that is normal and natural under these circumstances. Now we can get somewhere.”
Now we were headed in the right direction. Sheila was afraid of losing Ron/being abandoned. From here we were able to delve much deeper and wider into some old abandonment issues and their associated suffering that the current struggle had triggered. We re-solved them by seeing the truth of the matter and applied love where love had been lost. Ultimately the findings from Sheila’s frustration with Ron’s eating habits served to lift her out of a much bigger struggle that she had been having. Because she was seeking understanding where she was struggling—learning, healing and growth—it emerged through this situation.
Her Warrior could have easily gone into, “look at how loving I am and he doesn’t appreciate it” mode. She did attempt that path, but it was a lie because it was not based in love; it was manipulating Ron to eat better with shame tactics. Sheila realized that she had been fearing abandonment rather than loving Ron in those nagging moments and admitting this truth was humbling.
Pushing Ron to eat well was depleting for both of them. Depleting for Sheila because she always needed to be on his case in order to suppress her feelings and depleting for Ron because she was pushing the burden of her fear onto him to carry: he needed to be healthy so that she wouldn’t have to fear abandonment. That’s complicated and heavy.
Once she felt her own feelings Sheila’s approach changed. A junior Wise One might say something like, “Ron, your eating habits lately are scaring me, and I’m being selfish but I love you and desire for you to be around for awhile so could you please be more careful?” Now she’s being honest, more loving and inviting him to eat better rather than nagging him to do so which is a form of force. I say junior Wise One in this example because there is still much room for improvement. Acknowledging her selfishness is a step in the right direction but understanding and purifying it would be next. And as she takes the pressure off of Ron it will be easier for him to change.
Ron resisted Sheila’s Warrior with his own. He pushed back. A Wise One in Ron’s position would acknowledge his push-back and feel the feelings that being pushed brought up because they are there to be felt. From there Ron could tenderly give back the burden that had been bestowed on him by acknowledging Sheila’s fear with tenderness—by acknowledging the truth with love.
There is no shortcut to enlightenment—you have to feel your feelings and the deeper you go, the more loving and truthful you’ll be. And the more loving and truthful you are the greater will be your understanding of your relationship with the universe and how it is always supporting you even when it isn’t obvious. How far Sheila takes this is her choice and the people in her reality will mirror her level—they will be matches made in Heaven—that is how she can check in with herself. That’s the miracle. And as you can see, if you desire change you will be provided with everything you need to accomplish it, which is another way that miracles work.
Even our challenges can have luminous outcomes. Within Ron and Sheila’s challenge lies the potential for an entirely new level of existence and the renewed zest for life that goes with it; all they have to do is choose it. Ron and Sheila could emerge from their conflict with more of themselves through learning, healing and growth, or with less of themselves through fighting and depletion, literally and figuratively.
It takes humility to acknowledge your own motivation when it is reflected back to you by someone in your reality. “The things that irritate us most in others are the things we don’t like about ourselves.” The motivation is the common thread, not necessarily the behavior. We can choose to fight what we unconsciously don’t like about ourselves in others, but it will keep coming back to haunt us, or we can muster up some humility, be willing to dismantle some of our pride, heal the issue in ourselves and then our reality will shift to reflect our changes.
Summary
The premise that the world is designed to help you does not require you to seek growth. It will even help you be a Warrior if that is your desire. And reaching our highest potential will neither preclude nor protect us from suffering. The power to experience a luminously miraculous existence is in your hands; suffering is not what you think it is at all and fighting it just causes it to spread. There will be times along your journey when you will push your suffering onto others and times when others will push theirs onto you—that’s how we grow—that’s the perfect order. How we choose to receive our lives is determined by our free will.
“Seek and ye shall find” (Matthew 7:7). If you are looking for a fight, you will find one and if you are looking to reach your highest potential, you will be provided with everything you need in order to do so. Your prayers are always answered and sometimes you don’t realize what you have been praying for until it is standing there in front of you. Sometimes it takes a pretty dark moment for us to wake up to a deeper truth and seek a better way, but those who have look back with gratitude.
Our lives are designed to help us be as honest and loving as we desire—sometimes by showing us where we ourselves are not being so loving or so honest or by being on the receiving end of a similar ignorance—in other words, by bringing us physical, social or financial “problems” to resolve. Based on my premise of how that design is taken to fruition, life is very orderly—people don't just randomly show up in your life and situations don't just indiscriminately occur. Your life is all being orchestrated by your energy while at the same time it is all being divinely orchestrated—everyone is getting what they need at the same time as you are and that is pretty miraculous.
_______________________________
Trish Whynot, D.C.Ed. is a holistic counselor, Doctor of C.O.R.E. Education and visionary writer. She utilizes
meditation and crystals in her alternative approach to eliminating the root cause of problems. She experiences life as an amazing journey, and educates those who desire to live in truth, love and beauty. Private appointments are available via phone or in person at her Middleton, MA office. Call 978.314.4545 or visit
www.TrishWhynot.com for information.
All information in this newsletter is based on the opinion and experience of the practitioner. It is the responsibility of the reader to only take what makes sense to them. This information is not meant to be used as a substitute for medical diagnosis, treatment or cure of an illness. |
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