Stop Reacting and Start Responding
by Dr. Trish Whynot

If I could give you just one pearl of wisdom to help you make the most of your 2005, it would be to stop reacting and to start responding. As you learn to respond to your life experiences, you will see their function and understand the way in which your experiences are defining your purpose. What may have appeared random or chaotic will all of a sudden seem incredibly orderly from this perspective. 

When someone reacts to a situation, they blame the person or situation for triggering them. We live in a blaming society, so in order to respond to your life you must have the courage to step outside this box. Blaming and reacting have a purpose. They help you to bring stored emotions to the surface. When blaming and reacting are expressed appropriately, for the purpose of getting to the root of an issue, then they are useful. When they are expressed for the purpose of punishing, humiliating or judging, blaming and reacting are destructive and will make your life hard. 

When responding to your life experiences, you respond to what your life experiences are bringing to your attention and you acknowledge that you attract your experiences. When the experiences you attract are favorable, you can pat yourself on the back for your wonderful creation. When you have attracted something less than desirable, you know that you have the ability to learn from your experience and to change, so you can change what you are attracting. You know that your health, relationship or financial issue is not the real issue, it is the way in which your issue is manifesting. 

What if I told you that your life was a stage and the story that was playing out on your stage was "Your Life Story?" What if the scenes that play out on your stage are based on your beliefs about yourself and about life and the cast of characters that play your scenes out with you are invited by your energy? 

What if prior to being born you decided what you wanted to work on in this lifetime and developing more wisdom and compassion were the ultimate goals? What if you created a soul contract and made agreements with other souls that were willing to help you with your soul's purpose, while at the same time you would be helping them with theirs? What if there were beliefs that you chose to work on and you chose parents that would help you to establish these beliefs and the pain around them as part of your learning? Then you were born and forgot everything, but brought your blueprint with you contained in your energy. And what if the scenes that are playing out on your stage are constantly reminding you of the reasons why you are here-reminding you of beliefs you came to work on healing so that you could learn from them, not so you could master them? 

I believe that the scenes that you have and will continue to attract are all meant to help you to define your soul's purpose for being here. From this perspective, life is very orderly. People don't just randomly show up in your life and situations don't just indiscriminately occur. "Your Life Story" is all being orchestrated by your energy which is "you." 

Try to picture your life from this perspective. Give it a chance and explore its possibilities. This perspective could help you to make sense of areas of your life that have, until now, been confusing. This perspective will help you to see your life as the awesome adventure that it is. The choice is yours, it always is.

The essence of a situation is what we have the power to attract, but because we all have free will, the way in which our scenes play out is based on choice. We have control over our choices, but not over the choices of others. The essence is the most important element. Once you understand the reasons why you are attracting something that is less than pleasant for you, you can change. As you change something inside yourself, what you attract on the outside will follow suit. 

As an example, if you were in an abusive relationship, abuse was not what you chose. The essence of that scene could have to do with believing you are unlovable. If you believe that you are unlovable, you are likely to attract others who believe they are unlovable, too, because of the "Law of Attraction." According to the "Law of Attraction," like attracts like.

When someone believes they are unlovable, they don't love themselves. In order to truly love someone you must love yourself first. When you don't love yourself, you will be more capable of hurting others based on your fear of not being worth loving. If you believe you are unlovable, you will attract those who can help you to demonstrate this belief because you have it, not because it is the truth. Abuse is one way that this belief can be played out. 

If you were physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually abused as a child, you are likely to attract abuse as an adult. The abuse that you attract as an adult will bring to the surface feelings you did not have the maturity to process as a child. As an adult, you have a choice to react or respond to what your energy is attracting. If you react, there will be no change and you will attract some form of abuse again. When you react, your tendency is to blame another person for how you are feeling. If you respond to your feelings that someone has brought to the surface, you are taking advantage of an opportunity for healing that is being presented to you. By going back to make sense of what you didn't have the maturity or support to make sense of initially and releasing these associated feelings, you are being given the opportunity to move forward with greater wisdom and compassion for yourself and others. 

Responding to your feelings opens new doors and closes old ones. Reacting keeps the old doors open. When you respond to your old pain and do the healing there, you will no longer attract those who will trigger your pain because it is no longer there to trigger. You will have compassion for those who hurt others with their pain (because you have acknowledged times that you have hurt others with your pain), and understand how it feels to be on the receiving end of someone else's pain. You do not condone abusive behavior, but embody the wisdom to understand how it can occur. Responding leads you to more optimal futures; reacting leads you toward a future similar to your past. 

Children that were abused did not choose abuse, but they did choose to work on an issue that played itself out as abuse. There are many issues that can play out as abuse. Focusing on the abuse itself won't help you to heal. Attention must be brought to the underlying issue. Once you can see the purpose that someone has in your life, it is easier to forgive them and to move forward with what you have learned. 

You never have to forgive someone for abusing you, but you must be able to forgive them for their pain and replace your pain with wisdom and compassion for yourself, if you want to let go of the past. When you move forward with your pain, you are likely to find your own way of abusing others or yourself with your pain, just like those before you did to you. This is why abuse repeats itself. The form may be different, but the intent is the same-hurting someone with your pain. We all have been hurt by someone who is hurting and we all have hurt others with our hurt. In our own way, we all have been abused and abusers. The way to end abuse is to respond to your hurt when it is triggered rather than reacting to it. 

Reacting Versus Responding To Physical Conditions

When reacting to illness, people take steps to eradicate it. They react to the symptoms which are the messenger. When responding to illness and injury you acknowledge that the physical condition is the way an issue is manifesting, but not the issue. I am not recommending that you ignore the messenger, but I am suggesting that the message is important. It is easier to release the messenger when you have gotten the message. Once you have gotten the message, you no longer need the messenger. From a metaphysical perspective, illness and injury are calls for change and healing is that change. (The terms healing and change are used interchangeably in this newsletter.)

We are unique individuals, so the messages that our physical conditions have for us are unique as well. Many books have been written regarding the messages that physical conditions have for you and how different parts of the body are relaying the information they hold. These books offer some great baseline information on the messages your body has for you. Just don't lose sight of the fact that writing is a one way conversation and that you are a multifaceted being. 

When responding to an illness or injury, take the time necessary to explore the issue that has manifested via your physical body. I always recommend that clients look to see what was going on in their lives prior to their illness or injury, explore how they may be benefiting from their physical condition, and think about what they are being called to change. Usually what you are being called to change is the way you are responding or not responding to an area of your life. A physical condition is more of a shout for change than a whisper. It is harder to ignore because it is affecting you physically. When you make the changes you will no longer need to be called to change. 

Reacting Versus Responding To Relationships

Relationships create an awesome arena for personal growth and healing. A spouse is often someone that you attract into your life to help you to heal unfinished business with parents. Authority figures and friends in your life can also bring up your unfinished business, so don't fret that you can't finish this business if you don't have a spouse to help you. 

When reacting to feelings that a relationship brings up, our population most often leans toward blaming the person who has triggered us. If you stop here, you have missed out on an opportunity to do some healing. But not to worry, you will attract a louder messenger the next time around to assist you in receiving your message. 

When responding to your feelings, you go inward with them to see what they are bringing up for you. You can react as part of a healing process, but react appropriately. 

Some ways of reacting appropriately during the process of responding:

1. Meditatively respond to your feelings with the assistance of your higher self. Bring the person who has triggered you into your meditation with the intention of doing some healing and gaining some clarity. Here you can react without holding back for the purpose of exploring what the experience is bringing up for you on a deeper level. (Usually the initial emotion you experience is not the root emotion.) Meditation also affords you the opportunity to acknowledge old stored emotion that has contributed to the intensity of what you are feeling in the current situation. Meditatively express what has been stored to the appropriate people from your past. Then replace the emotion with what you have learned, love for yourself and anything else that would be appropriate. Complete your meditation by sending those you invited off with love and gratitude for what you have learned directly or indirectly from them. Come out of your meditation with some unfinished business now completed and more wisdom and compassion toward yourself and others. When you come to that place of love and gratitude, you know your healing is complete. You may even realize that you have your own way of doing what irritated you in someone else or that some people that you have attracted into your life have been helping you to demonstrate a belief that you have about yourself. Responding to your feelings may take some time and effort, but it is necessary for those desiring to live their soul's purpose.

2. Meditative letter writing is also a great way to react appropriately. The above process can be modified to a letter format. It will take a few letters to release all the emotion and to gain the clarity. (The letters should not be sent!)

3. Vent with a friend that you trust with the intent being to explore what the experience has brought up for you and why it has played out on your stage. Here again, the meditative process from the first example can be adapted.

When responding to your feelings, you acknowledge that there must have been something there to trigger or you would not have taken the situation personally. You know that the people in your life are there to help you to heal, to grow and to know yourself more intimately. You desire to take advantage of these opportunities and are grateful for them. You understand that people who are hurting are capable of hurting others with their pain. You also understand that if you take someone else's pain personally, it is because they have triggered some pain that was already present in you. There is no learning or healing when you make someone change so that you don't have to feel your pain. You know that nothing ever begins as a crisis, but if it gets to that point before you recognize the messenger, you can forgive yourself, work through the crisis, heal and grow. When you consciously work through a crisis, you will be able to acknowledge the whispers that you missed and be more attentive to whispers in the future. You know the value of forgiveness and know that you don't have to forget in order to forgive.

Reacting Versus Responding To Financial Issues

When reacting to financial difficulties, we tend to try to control them. We often focus on our lack and actually create more lack. We punish ourselves by telling ourselves all the things we can't have or do until we get our finances straightened out. We end up pushing what we do want further and further away. 

When responding to an issue that is manifesting via your finances, you might look to what money is a symbol of for you, your beliefs around money, what your financial struggles are blocking you from having, or where you are out of balance with your giving and receiving. When changes are made on the inside, they will be reflected on the outside.

When looking at your finances from a metaphysical perspective, you know that money is energy and if you aren't attracting enough of it, you must have placed some obstacles in its way. Respond to your heart's desire that is on the other side of your obstacle and make it a priority. For example, if travel is a heart's desire once your money issues are resolved, start traveling now. Obviously travel affordably. If fun is important to you, don't make it conditional to your finances. Don't treat it like a reward, treat it like you deserve it just for being you. Treat fun like food for your mind and spirit. See the value in nourishing your mind and spirit along with your body and have fun doing it. When you value your heart's desires, the universe will respond in kind. Remember, if it's lacking on the inside, it will be lacking on the outside. 

In metaphysics, we view what is happening on the outside to show us what is happening on the inside. The healing is done on the inside and the changes are reflected on the outside. The details of our life experiences are insignificant. The essence of the experience is what is important. Responding to your life experiences will bring you to their essence. This is where the learning and the healing take place. From here we emerge with more wisdom and compassion. Reacting will keep you stuck in the emotion. There are many things we will never fully understand in this lifetime, but with each incarnation we have the capacity to embody more wisdom and compassion. We don't have to have all the answers. There is seen and unseen help available to us that has the answers we are seeking. All we have to do is ask and remember that the help doesn't always come the way we expect it. And when it does come, we have the choice to react or respond to it. Responding to your life experiences will take some practice. It is a necessary skill for those desiring to live their soul's purpose. Responding will accelerate your personal growth and healing, and in the process, will uncover talents and strengths, all leading to the discovery of your life purpose. Life wasn't meant to be hard and asking for help is not cheating, it is being smart. 

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