The
Best Christmas Gift You Can Give Yourself or Anyone Else: Simplicity
by Susan Dunn
“Many people are choosing to simplify their lives, eliminating the
number of things coming into their homes.” – Judy Harrison, Ph.D.
I had to laugh when I read that quote recently. I particularly remember a
time in my merry life when I had two sons, three dogs, my clothes filled
two closets in my home, I owned Madeleine pans, exotic juicers, a regular
and a gourmet coffeemaker, three sets of flatware, ten tablecloths, ten
sets of placemats for six or eight, and formal china table settings for
twelve …and most “cluttering” of all, a social calendar that was
unmanageable.
Life is a series of stages, and there is the “acquiring” stage.
However, there came a point where I felt overwhelmed by my “blessings”
and took a look at what was going on. At the time, my boyfriend, who was a
stock broker, kept saying, “Simplify, simplify.” He lived what I
considered a “Sparten existence.”
It caused me to take a look at the whole picture.
I was exhausted all the time. I went to a therapist; too bad there
weren’t coaches then. She said I was “trying to do too much.” I
interpreted it that I wasn’t capable of handling all these things, and
redoubled my efforts.
Coaches make things more clear. “Why are you doing what doesn’t bring
you pleasure?” would’ve been the question to ask. Eventually I asked
myself that question and here are some of the things I did.
THE CLOTHES
I was still operating from an old childhood scarcity-mentality. I never
had “enough” clothes in high school, not because my parents couldn’t
afford it, just that they didn’t want to spend their money on that. I
started babysitting rigorously to buy myself clothes and makeup and stuff.
Not a bad thing to do, but I realized that time was over. I gave a number
of things to Goodwill, set aside a space-allotment, and stuck to it.
I did have to “dress” for the profession at the time (PR), so I chose
two outfits I could accessorize in infinite ways. Scarves, jewelry and
pins take far less storage space!
THE DOGS
Two were strays we had “adopted,” under pressure from my good-hearted
son. However, they were difficult dogs, not having been well-raised, and
took far more work than our original family pet. I decided to give up this
rescuing mentality and at the same time educate my children. We
found good homes for two of them, and the family pact was “no more.”
We stuck with our one chosen, well-cared for, and well-trained dog.
THE ENTERTAINING WARE
That’s a hard one. It’s been an abiding interest and love in my life,
to entertain with all the accoutrements. I decided that was an okay hobby,
but to stick with what I had for a long time. How many sets of Christmas
tablemats does one really need?
THE COOKWARE
Life is choices. I could eliminate a lot of these things by turning to
fast food, eating out, less elaborate meals. I decided this was not
something to sacrifice. There are health benefits to wok cooking,
steamers, double boilers, etc. My youngest son particularly enjoyed the
camaraderie of a fondue meal. Our family dinners were fun for all of us,
and a good thing, and I didn’t want to sacrifice that for
“convenience.”
Not everything in the enriched life should be “efficient.”
THE FINANCIAL PICTURE
My stocks were scattered all over the place, and we consolidated. It
seemed risky to me to “put all my eggs in one basket,” but we did, and
it resulted in a nice financial gain. Choose one good thing and stick with
it.
THE ORGANIZATION
I decided it wasn’t all that I had that was the problem – many of them
were valuable to me and my lifestyle – it was the organization of it
all.
One thing I did was buy containers, for instance, “fall decorations”
and got everything in one place. I added to the box my apparel for that
time of year – autumn sweaters, accessories, and jewelry. I labeled them
clearly, stacked them in one place, and felt better about it all.
I tackled the gift-producing area. I had a bow maker, rolls of paper,
ribbons, ready for every occasion. It was a time when the boys would
be invited to a birthday party quite suddenly, and it kept me from
“running out” at the last minute to buy the wrapping. This I decided
to eliminate. The storage space required and the clutter were not
worth it, and it seemed I never had the right thing anyway. I bought ten
generic gift bags with white tissue, appropriate for any age or occasion.
Also, seeing myself “burdened” by the gifts coming my way – that
teddy bear statuette just wasn’t “me” even if it was expensive
crystal – I switched to what I call “disposable” gifts.
Sending someone a floral arrangement, or a basket of fruit, or a
Honey-baked ham would note the occasion, but it would “go away” and
they wouldn’t have to find a place for it.
I have never been comfortable giving money, but gift certificates seemed
possible. It showed at least a little “thought” and “effort,” the
two things I find missing in gifts of money. (Not that I’ve ever refused
one!)
For those with no material needs whatsoever, I would donate money to a
charity close to their heart. That is greatly appreciated by most people.
Charities list in their newsletter the gifts made in honor of, or in
memory of, others, and that’s a nice touch.
Re the people in my life, I took a look at the investment-return ratio.
Some of them, I had to admit, were a drain. With me being in a helping
profession, some were “using” me for free counseling, while making no
improvements in their lives, and that didn’t give me the friendship I
needed, or provide for them the counseling or coaching they needed.
I made a list of the people who really meant something to me, with whom I
had strong mutual bonds, and I whittled away at the ones who didn’t
contribute anything to my life. We call this in coaching, “getting rid
of tolerations.” Yes, people can be “tolerations” and I think this
is one of the more important “ah hahs” Thomas Leonard, the founder of
coaching, gave to the world.
I eliminated immediately the ones who were a negative drain on me, and
took a closer look at ones wanting entry. I quietly discouraged some
“friendships” from ever occurring in the first place. Life is choices.
I believe that our lives are greatly influenced by the five people we
spend the most time with. I made sure the Top five were the ones I wanted
and needed them to be.
META-THEORY
I decided to slow myself down at the checkout counter. I disciplined
myself for six months. I would not make any impulse buys. I would go home
and consider it. Usually it wasn’t worth the effort to go back.
I would not go shopping to “window shop.” There’s no such thing!
There’s always something attracts my eye I think I “must have.”
Shopping would be a necessity for essentials, not Saturday afternoon
entertainment for me and the kids.
I put more thought into the things I gave others so as to slow the flow
into their lives as well.
READY FOR THE NEW YEAR
As you participate in, or observe, the shopping frenzy of the holiday
season. Ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”
Good reasons are:
· It’s meaningful
· I enjoy it
· I know it’s something I can afford and know it’s something they
need or would like
Bad reasons are:
· I don’t know why
· To keep up with the Joneses
· Because I always have
Observe closely your own behavior. That’s the beginning of making
positive changes.
It’s the emotionally intelligent thing to do!
________________
©Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ Coach™,
http://www.susandunn.cc
. Author of “How to Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence,”
( http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html
) and The EQ Foundation Course©, 12 modules on the Internet, http://www.webstrategies.cc/EQcourse.htm
. Coaching for all yours needs; Emotional Intelligence always
included. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc
for FREE eZine.
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