How can you ‘learn’ optimism? There are
cognitive exercises in “Learned Optimism,” or you can take distance
learning classes, or have coaching or counseling. You can’t learn it by
memorizing mantras or carrying around quotes on a 3x5’. It involves
learning new self-talk and practicing it rigorously until mastered.
It demands putting new thought patterns into action over an extended
period of time, i.e., practicing something that isn't natural at first.
Incidentally, if you think optimists aren’t always in touch with
reality, you’re right. Pessimists are more often right, but optimists
accomplish more, and live longer, healthier and happier lives.
It’s a tempered optimism we’re talking about—one that you choose to
use or not. Times TO use it would be in an achievement situation, sports,
when giving a speech; when trying to curb depression; when dealing with a
protracted physical health issue; or when trying to lead, inspire, or get
elected.
Times when you should NOT use optimism are when the stakes are very
high—i.e., considering having an affair, day trading, or when counseling
someone in dire trouble.
You should ALWAYS use optimism when processing a negative event, such as
getting fired, or losing a sale. Seligman, who has researched optimism for
over 30 years, recommends distracting yourself immediately (go have fun)
and watching your self-talk. Do NOT attribute the bad event to permanent,
pervasive or personal reasons, i.e., “I’m a loser. I might as well
give up.” Instead, attribute it to temporary, specific and external
reasons, i.e., “He fired me because he’s overwhelmed and a poor
manager. I’ll do fine at the next job.”
Lastly, here are 4 tips to try:
1. Don’t disqualify positive experiences.
If someone says you’re in great shape for your age, don’t say,
“I’m just lucky,” say, “Thank you. I work at it.”
2. Emphasize the positive.
3. Don’t be a perfectionist. Set
realistic goals and standards.
4. Keep things in proportion. Losing your
car keys in not equivalent to Nine One One.
Get healthy. Get optimism.
______________________
Susan Dunn, M.A., is The EQ Coach
and coaches optimism. Visit her on the web at www.susandunn.cc
and sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE
ezine.
When the lake is still we can see the bottom, and any treasure hidden down
there. It is then easier and more pleasant to swim in the lake. There are
fewer dangers. So it is with inner silence.
Inner silence is not a state of torpor. It is a state where the mind is
calm and does not produce thoughts without our consent. It returns to its
right place, as a useful instrument, which is used when necessary and put
aside when not needed. It stops being our master, and obeys us instead of
us obeying it.
Wouldn’t you prefer to feel calm under all circumstances? Never to lose
your composure, always remain conscious of what you are doing? Life has
many ups and downs, happy and unhappy events. Sometimes things turn out as
we would like them to be, and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes we gain
something, at other times we lose something. All these events toss the
mind like a boat on a choppy ocean.
You don’t need to be a yogi, or a saint, in order to enjoy inner
silence. It is quite possible to lead an ordinary active life, and at the
same time enjoy the high planes of inner silence.
Inner silence is inner peace. In this state only thoughts that we allow
can enter into the mind. In inner silence, we experience who we really
are. The mind is like a screen hiding our real reality. When this screen
is dropped we know who we really are.
This is not a state of inactivity. It is a state of consciousness,
knowledge and power. Only by experiencing it one can really know what it
is. The way is open for everyone. Developing concentration, practicing
meditation, and learning to be detached from the mind lead to this inner
treasure.
