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A
New Approach to New Year's Resolutions
by Stephanie Roberts
The New Year is traditionally a time to reflect on where we are in our
lives and to think about improvements that we'd like to make. It seems
obvious that the first step in choosing appropriate New Year's Resolutions
should be to define specific goals for what we want to achieve in the
coming year. I'm a huge fan of goal setting, but I'm no longer convinced
it's the best way to approach this whole resolution thing.
Focusing on specific goals leads to those oh-so-familiar resolutions such
as "Lose 10 pounds by February 1st," "Go to the gym five
times a week," "Stop arguing with my
[mother/brother/in-laws/your personal nemesis here]," "Get out
of debt," "Quit smoking," and so on. These are all
admirable and worthy objectives -- until we binge on that last box of
holiday chocolates, start skipping workouts, let Mom get under our skin
(again), succumb to a post-Christmas sale or give in to the craving for a
cigarette, and the self-recrimination begins.
The purpose of New Year's Resolutions is to help us focus on positive
changes we want to make in our lives. Our intentions are good, but often
all that we accomplish is to repeat past failures, undermine our
self-worth, and add to our burden of guilt because once again we didn't
follow through on what we said we were going to do.
A 1998 survey conducted by the University of Washington reported that 63%
of the people questioned were still keeping their #1 resolution after two
months. That sounds pretty good given how prone we humans are to
temptation, but frankly I'm not all that impressed. Two months is a good
start, but it's not much time to make lasting changes and I can't help but
wonder what that study would have revealed three, or six, or twelve months
down the road.
If the prospect of making New Year's Resolutions triggers feelings of
guilt because you've been making the same ones year after year -- without
ever losing that 20 pounds, or exercising more, or quitting smoking, or
getting out of debt, or really-truly-this-time-I-mean-it finally getting
organized -- perhaps it's time for a new kind of resolution.
I've come to the conclusion that the best resolutions are
process-oriented, not goal-oriented. They focus not on achieving a
specific goal by a specific date, but on making subtle and important
shifts in how we are living in each moment. I'd like to see more of us
make resolutions like "Treat everyone I meet with kindness,"
"Respond to anger with compassion," "Honor and respect my
body," "Make better use of my talents and abilities," or
"Be a mindful caretaker of my financial assets."
These kinds of resolutions deliberately break the #1 goal-setting rule:
"be specific." Their vagueness is their greatest asset, because
instead of setting a concrete milestone (which we then beat ourselves up
for not reaching), they provide a gentle guiding light that keeps us
headed in the right direction as we make our cautious way forward to
becoming better at being who we are.
Process-oriented resolutions help us avoid the pitfalls of failure and
guilt by making it easier to reinvent our lives moment by moment. If we
slip up and eat that donut, lose our temper, pull out a credit card or
light up and take a deep drag, our resolutions remind us that we can make
a different choice next time.
This does not mean you shouldn't set goals this year! Goals are terrific,
and important, and I definitely recommend creating a specific, written
list of your desired achievements. I also, however, suggest separating
goal-setting and resolution-making into two distinct tasks.
This year, instead of defining your New Year's Resolutions by what you
want to achieve, use them to describe something about the type of person
you want to be. Think about what you want to accomplish, then make
resolutions that provide a foundation of attitudes and behaviors that will
support you in achieving the specific goals you've added to your list.
(c) 2002 Stephanie Roberts
____________________
Stephanie Roberts is a feng shui consultant in Maui, Hawaii, and
the author of the best-selling "Fast Feng Shui" books (rated
5-stars by Amazon.com readers). Her new New Year's Resolution is "to
make choices that assist me in living to my fullest potential." To
find out how you can use contemporary Western feng shui to help you
achieve greater success and happiness in your life, please visit http://www.fastfengshui.com
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