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Single
During The Holidays
by Ron Prewitt
Mistletoe. Holiday parties. New Years kiss at midnight. If you are single,
and not dating anyone, these holiday images can bring emotions ranging
from sadness to depression. Everything seems against you. At family
get-togethers you get grilled about what’s going on in the “romance
department.” In-laws, whose company you cherished all year long, become
reminders that you don’t have a “special someone.” No singles
shopping for gifts appear in the barrage of holiday commercials.
Yes, this time of year can be challenging for singles. With such an
emphasis on family togetherness and couples exchanging heart-felt gifts,
it’s hard not to hear the message – the holidays are not for me.
So, what is the best way to combat the holiday blues? Although the
following strategies can be applied throughout the year, they are
particularly useful during the holidays.
Don’t deny your feelings. Emotions are neither right nor wrong. They are
just how you feel about your situation. Allow yourself to be sad, without
the guilt. However, be conscious of how you act on your feelings. Actions
to emotions can be right or wrong. Anticipate before going to family
events how you will handle the questions of your dating status. If you
know you will be uncomfortable talking about it, have a pre-planned
strategy of how to politely change the subject. When asked about your love
life, a simple, “There’s no news in that area, but here’s what I am
doing at work”, might be just enough to redirect the conversation.
Adjust your view. See the couples in your life as you have seen them
throughout the year. They have not really changed. Only the environment in
which you see them has changed. Anticipate whom you will be meeting during
holiday events. Have fond memories ready to share. Take time to remember
and cherish why they mean so much to you.
Be a successful single. Understand that you do not need another person to
make your life whole. A life partner enhances who you are – they do not
“complete” you. Start your own holiday traditions that reflect your
personal values. Take the time to discover what the holidays really mean
to you. Appreciate the time you have as a single. Realize that this is a
stage in your life – not a reflection of who you are.
Break traditions. Who says you have to spend the holidays a certain way.
Maybe serving meals at the homeless shelter is more in keeping with your
values, than “shopping till your drop.” Take some of the time you
would spend with family and share it with the folks at your local nursing
home. It is easier to justify limiting your time at the uncomfortable
holiday functions when you have a good excuse.
Change your latitude. If visiting the family, or attending holiday
functions, is really going to be overwhelming, cut your visits short and
take a single’s cruise or an island vacation. Let the couples be
reminded of the benefits of being able to pick up and go.
Limit or avoid alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and will intensify your
feelings of sadness. Accept that you are feeling sad and handle the
emotion as you would any time during the year. Do things that will bring
humor into your life. Rent funny movies to offset the holiday features
that are shown this time of year.
Give yourself the gift of home. If you have not made your house or
apartment your home, consider doing so. Fill your home with things that
reflect who you are. Many single’s homes are nothing more than storage
for their “stuff”. Discover what art says, “This is me” and buy
some. Add some color to your home. Let gift givers know what you would
like for your home. Set needs aside and focus on wants.
Being single during the holidays can be difficult, but it does not have to
be traumatic. Anticipate bumps in the road and plan accordingly. Take
ownership of the holidays and create your own traditions. Limit your time
at holiday events that bring discomfort by volunteering for local
organizations. Remember, there are no set rules for how to enjoy the
season – find out what works for you and “have a happy holiday.”
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