Helping Kids Overcome
Their Fears and Phobias
by Patti Teel
Children love the fantasy and fun of dressing up in costumes and Halloween
is usually an exciting and fun event for them. During October,
however, the television networks begin running their annual horror flicks.
Remember, young children still have trouble differentiating real life from
make believe and many scary movies should be “off limits.”
A number of children have developed deeply rooted fears from watching
movies that were too adult and scary. It can also be upsetting for
children to see adults wearing terrifying masks or costumes. So
enjoy the whimsy of the Halloween holiday but protect kids from the scary
sights and sounds that could upset them.
By nature, some children seem to have more fears than others. When
the word “fear” is used correctly, it refers to the feeling
experienced in response to a tangible danger, such as a speeding car or an
angry dog. “Phobias” are excessive or exaggerated fears of
specific objects or situations. Common childhood fears (or phobias)
include a fear of the dark, dogs, heights, spiders, and storms.
Jean Piaget is well known for his research regarding children’s
cognitive development. He calls ages two to four the
“preoperational period” of development. It is characterized by
reason being dominated by perception. This explains why preschoolers
are often afraid of the dark and imaginary creatures such as monsters.
Piaget’s research revealed that around the age of six or seven,
children’s thinking begins to become more logical. Not
surprisingly, around this age, children usually lose their fear of
imaginary creatures but may become worried about other types of things
such as school performance and social relationships. Encourage your
children to tell you about their fears. If your child’s fear is
having a negative impact on his life, there are steps you can take to help
your child overcome it early on.
Many adult fears begin in childhood. Completely avoiding feared objects
and activities tends to increase rather that diminish the level of fear
associated with them. We can see many examples of this—a fear of
drowning is not likely to lessen by avoiding water; a fear of flying is
not going to go away by avoiding airplanes; and a fear of school is not
going to go away by allowing a child to stay home.
Children often generalize their fears. For example, a child is likely
to think that all dogs are mean and unfriendly after a frightening
experience with just one dog. A friendly golden retriever may
happily approach a child with his tail wagging, but the child with a fear
of dogs is likely to perceive the dog as a mean animal that is coming to
attack. If a fear is not overcome, a child may begin to generalize
it further and develop phobias about other types of animals in addition to
dogs.
Some fears must be confronted and dealt with because they will interfere
with a child’s daily life. Other phobias may not have to be
confronted very often. Even when that is the case, beware that you
can unwittingly teach your children to have the same phobias that you
have. My husband and I have a rat phobia. I have generalized
my fear to include opossums, hamsters, gerbils, and other rodents.
Years ago, when we had a pet rabbit, he could even give me the creeps!
While it seemed to me that I was only being a conscientious mother by
passing along the dangers of rats to my daughter, when she screamed and
came running out of her first-grade classroom in a panic because the
teacher had a pet rat, I realized that I had probably overdone it.
Much more so than the actual events themselves, children’s reactions to
fear and anxiety will affect the quality of their lives, both emotionally
and physically. Their response can lead to personal growth, or it
can impair that emotional growth. When children respond to the
emotions of fear and anxiety by becoming stressed, it can affect their
ability to be happy and experience pleasure. Because we cannot
control all of the things that will happen in our children’s lives,
it’s important for us to help them learn healthy ways to cope.
Reactions to fear can include: shortness of breath, fast breathing, a
racing heart, a tightness in the chest, a lump in the throat, butterflies
in the stomach, lightheadedness, dizziness, shaking, trembling, tingling
feelings, a surreal feeling that things seem strange and tightening
muscles.
Steps to overcoming fears and phobias:
1. Learn relaxation and self-calming skills such as progressive
relaxation, breathing techniques, and visualization.
2. Desensitize your child. By gradually exposing your children to
their fears, you will be helping them to take progressive steps toward
overcoming them.
3. Clear up misconceptions. Many fears are based on misconceptions.
For instance, many children are afraid of thunder, but if you explain what
it is the fear will begin to give way to curiosity.
_____________________
Dubbed “The Dream Maker” by People magazine, Patti Teel is a
former teacher and the author of The Floppy Sleep Game Book, which gives
parents techniques to help their children relax, deal with stress, or fall
asleep. Her innovative book also includes a section on ways to combat
children’s fears, phobias, and anxiety. Visit Patti online to subscribe
to her free newsletter and learn more about her book. www.pattiteel.com.