How Grief Relates To The Work Of The Soul
Bob Olson: I'm pleased to be interviewing Laura Scott today on the
relationship between grief and soul work. Laura is a psychic, spiritual
teacher and channel for healing, and she is going to teach us how grieving
is a natural part of our growth process in this journey we call life.
Laura, I think it is safe to say that most adults will deal with grief in
their lifetime. Do you believe that the grief process is part of most
everyone's life purpose?
Laura Scott: Hi Bob, it's always a pleasure to connect with you!
Yes, sooner or later we will all experience grief on one level or another.
It is unavoidable. Grief transcends social classes, cultures,
countries, education, backgrounds and more. It is a great equalizer.
We grieve the physical loss of loved ones, beloved pets, family members,
as well as less tangible things like losses of life roles, health, loss of
status, phases of our lives, jobs, ideas, youth, freedom - you name
it and someone has grieved for it intimately.
Scientists have recently discovered that no matter what the cause, all
forms of grief create physical pain and chemical reactions in our body.
In other words, grief in any form takes a measurable toll on us
physically, one that can actually be quantified and seen in laboratories.
The second interesting thing about these studies is that grief over the
loss of loved one, whether human or animal, both measured the
same identical effects in the body. So whether we are grieving
a spouse, or a beloved animal companion the effects in our bodies are
equal. That is an important finding because it offers us an
opportunity to have more compassion for ALL those who grieve, not just
those we can relate to, or those losses we deem 'worthy.' It's a
huge opportunity for a lesson in compassion and expanding our inadequate
models for understanding grief.
Those who have
known and suffered through grief, in whatever form, know that in addition
to grief being a gauntlet of emotional, physical and spiritual things, it
also brings us up against societies shortcomings for dealing with it.
As a global community full of world citizens, we need to do a better job
of understanding and tolerating grief in all it's forms. Since grief
is inescapable, non discriminating, all equalizing, and able to be
measured quantitatively, clearly it is also an integral part of our
And while grief
can be excruciatingly isolating, it doesn't have to be. The answer
is simple: we need more compassion for ourselves and others. And we
need a new model for understanding the importance of grief in terms of
growth of the soul.
Bob: What benefits do we gain from grieving the loss of a loved
Laura: Ahhh, good question. Let me answer that from the position of
someone who has experienced first hand grief and loss. When we are
in the throws of it, grief is purely about survival. It is primal.
There are days when you can't sleep enough, and others where you can't
sleep at all. There are days when you can't eat, and other days
where you just can't stop eating. Days where you are all cried out,
and whole stretches of days where you cry all the time, even in your
sleep. Days where you can't stop thinking, and days where you can't
think at all.
grief must be experienced and respected as primal, where our very survival
hinges on ebbing and flowing with this process far greater than ourselves.
Eventually though, it's important to start seeing grief for what it is on
a larger level...sacred work for the soul. By grieving the
loss of a loved one we ultimately invite our own healing and soul
progress...making room for new understanding, acceptance, clarity and
compassion to come in. And with all this comes a better
communication with The Other Side, not a weakened one.
I think it
would help if in some way we can think of getting through grief as a
required right of passage for the soul.
grieving is part of our soul work, perhaps you can explain to us the
meaning of "soul work" in this context.
Laura: Soul work is the task that each and every being has while
they are down here on earth. We are all here to learn and to grow,
and the non-discriminating nature of grief guarantees each of us a few
passes at it during this earthly journey. Like it or not, it is part
of this earthly package deal. By reframing grief into that
context, it can help us all to remember that we are not alone. We
are on a larger journey - and life is a continuum. We will all be
connected with our loved ones again. The things in this earthly
world are designed for impermanence. The soul, however, is
Remember, we humans have to flow everything through our egos. The
ego would have us think we are in control, we are the center of The
Universe, we are different than others, better than others, not like
others, exempt from suffering, above loss etc....and guess what? The
ego is a big illusion artist, a great fibber! Ego is a human
condition. It means we are focused or fixated on ourselves:
I this, I that. But our soul doesn't work this way. The ego or
id is part of the earthly package, not the eternal one. When we find ways
to move through our grief and become even slightly aware of a bigger
picture, there is comfort in knowing that despite appearances everything
is always working for good - for our growth. Everything is leading
us somewhere. Eventually, as spirits, we will all meet again.
And in the scheme of The Universe, that's just a blink of the eye.
Bob: So, although we may have several things to learn in our
lifetime, part of that soul work is to experience the physical loss of
people we love?
Yes Bob. As painful as it is, we all age, we all get to trade in
these bodies eventually. Our bodies are designed to expire; like
cars. It is part of the deal here on earth. No one is exempt -
although a few eccentric billionaires have had their brains and spinal
columns frozen, but I think they missed the point of soul work and were
operating from strictly an ego place!
As we age
physically we will hopefully also become more aware of our selves: our
physical capabilities and possibilities. Philosophies like 'seize
the day', 'make hay while the sun shines', 'attitude is
everything' and so on take on new meanings for us. These attitudes
can help shape and mold our daily experiences. The changes that come with
aging and the passage of time create a type of goal system that we measure
life with. For instance: "when I get tall enough I will ride a
big bike,' or 'as soon as I can drive...,' 'after I graduate
college,' 'once the mortgage is paid off,' 'once I am in remission', 'when
I get married,' 'after physical therapy is finished,' etc.
Statements, attitudes, and expressions like these are used to quantify
time. They help us to both make and measure goals. They may
sometimes reflect our inner progress and changes as well as outward
ones. Notice I said sometimes. Because like it or not, whether
you are maturing or not, aging and the passage of time WILL happen here on
earth. For all of our marvels and advances to discover and quantify
time, the one thing that seems to have alluded us is how to stop or
reverse it. Ultimately, no matter how much we love our 'cars' -
things are indeed designed to wear and change. No matter how much we
love our pets, family members, partners, etc., eventually we all go
"Home" to a wonderful place. Some of us just take an
earlier train there than others.
How we deal
with these concepts is a matter of choice and attitude. After all,
life is always what we make it.
dealing with such loss is difficult for someone in this life, do you often
find that such people have had similar difficulties in past lives? In
other words, is there often a similar relationship with grief from one
life to the next?
Sometimes, but not always. Every soul is as unique as their own
fingerprint. Remember, there are billions and billions of us down
here and no two souls the same. That means that no two souls will
experience the same things, in precisely the same way. We each have
our own life work and history to navigate. If we have struggled with
grief work in past lives, we will face it again (remember it's inescapable
and multifaceted). It is part of our larger soul work, and if we
haven't done the best we feel we can in the past...then here it comes
again. The difference is that this time, we will now have a
chance to do better...even one percent better than we did in our lives
before. This is something that I often educate people about during
private sessions and readings if it pertains to specifically to them. In
doing so I will look at their relevant past lives and lead the client to
the pivotal tools for change for right here and now.
Bob: I guess, then, that the question really is: how do we work
with our grief?
For starters, we need to reframe it. Start to see grief as a sacred
time, an inescapable part of our soul work. Keep it primal. Get up
every day and somehow breath in and out. When whole days seem
overwhelming, break it up into smaller increments. Sit and watch the
clock tic off a minute and when you are done, reach for another. Be
supremely gentle with yourself. That means be patient, tolerant, kind,
understanding, forgiving, and more. Remember that grief is a process.
Taking Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower essence) is also big help.
staying present, and relishing this sacred space for what it is. Get
outside each day and breath in the fresh air. Don't overwhelm yourself.
Spend a few moments watching the clouds or the stars. Don't rush the
people you love who are grieving through their sacred process. Respect it.
Have compassion for it. Try to understand it. Don't quantify it (remember
the scientist's conclusions), encourage those in grief not to censor
themselves. Just be. The sky won't fall open and swallow you up. Offer to
listen. Cry with them if you like. Don't take offense at their process.
just because there appear to be some 'good' days, doesn't mean that there
won't be any more challenging moments or rough days. Grief is a lot like
the stock market, it is not a linear thing. It's a lot more like the
graphs of the stock market (yikes!), spiking up and down with every breeze.
Those who are able to be present, be it physically, emotionally,
spiritually, or psychically - despite their fears - do bring comfort. They
help to expand our inadequate grief model into a better place. And
they become part of the sacred journey of healing and help God to spread
grace around all of our hearts.
If you are
stuck in the grieving place and not moving, seek support. Join a
grief group, see a counselor, use some natural remedies (like the Bach
Flower essences or homeopathy), consider an alternative approach like
mediumship or a reading. Remember there are no time tables or limits
to grief. We are all unique. For some grieving takes months,
for others it is years, even decades. The important thing is for us
to remember not to judge another's process and push our own expectations
Bob: Are there tools or books that can further help our grief work?
Laura: Yes, the www.GriefandBelief.com
website is a fantastic resource too. I also strongly recommend
keeping a journal to record your passage through this sacred process. The
Ancient Stardust Progress Journal is designed to help guide people through
life changes, awakenings, loss, etc. It's excellent at demystifying
the journaling process and helping you to connect with your own process
Also, there are
two CD's in the Ancient Stardust Tools for Change CD Series, that
would be great for anyone going through a grieving process. The
first is Grounding and Centering, which will help you to focus on your
breathing and the other is called Higher Purpose. The Higher Purpose
CD has been a phenomenon. The meditation was originally created to
help people connect in with their angels, spirit guides, and animal
messengers. But deceased loved ones have been showing up and taking
the journey with listeners-bringing them comfort and messages and more!
I have experienced this first hand and the effects have been mind blowing,
even for a psychic like me! The feedback coming to my office has been very
Bob: Laura, I know that you are able to communicate with people in
spirit, although that is not all that you do as a psychic, spiritual
teacher and channel for healing. But considering your ability to convey
messages from spirit, do you believe it is helpful for the grieving to
communicate with their deceased loved ones?
Laura: Yes, I do think it is helpful, but I also think it isn't
fully enough. The next logical step once you know that your loved one is
okay is to learn more about the progress of the soul, including your own.
A major focus of my life work is to help educate people about this, and I
do a lot of work in private session to help people understand how to raise
their own vibrations and awareness up so that they can become more
empowered. When we are empowered, it is the next natural step
to understand all the ways our loved ones are with us and to start looking
to see the big picture.
What are some of the methods that you recommend for spirit communication:
mediumship, prayer, meditation, other?
Laura: Yes those and more. I think the most important thing to
remember is that knowledge is power. Read! The Complete
Idiot's Guide to Divining the Future is a treasure trove of knowledge
to help people understand how to use tools like the ones you've mentioned
responsibly. It will help readers to identify their own strengths and
gifts, understand their own unique wiring, and ultimately to become more
empowered in the process. If people are looking to mediums for
private readings, be sure to look for the right fit for you. Do your
homework. Visit www.BestPsychicMediums.com
Bob: Do our loved ones attempt to communicate with us from the
Laura: Oh yes!
Bob: What are some of the signs we should look for?
Laura: Dream visitations, smells, electronic interferences,
synchronicities, tapping, clicking, coin dropping, sound frequency changes
do they try to give us these signs? Why is it important for them to convey
these messages or make their presence felt?
Have you ever read a great book or seen a good movie that you couldn't
wait to tell the people in your life about? Felt so good (happy,
inspired, enthusiastic, etc) that you wanted to tell people? Especially
the people that you know are worrying about you and care about you?
Well, think along those lines. As for our loved ones having a
vested interest in our daily grind, mostly they could care less.
It's more like they see us struggling and send us signs to remind us to
lighten up, laugh, enjoy the journey, don't feel so alone. They are
trying to help us see the big picture.
curious, Laura, how our grieving affects our loved ones on the other side?
Thank you for asking that Bob. Grief does affect our loved ones on
The Other Side. I sometimes read for clients who are having trouble
letting their grieving process unfold, because in some way they fear that
if they allow their grief to heal, then they think they will feel farther
from their deceased loved one instead of closer to them. It's
actually the opposite for the soul though. Our grief actually has a way of
clogging up the ethereal communication lines. Our earthly grief can
also be a distraction or concern for our loved ones who have crossed over,
in that they don't want to upset us further by reaching out, or they are
trying to reach out and we are so clogged up with the funk of grief that
we just can't hear it, feel it, see it, experience it, etc.
is it important for "us" that we learn to move to this next
phase of communication with our deceased loved ones?
Because our own earthly grief can prevent our loved ones from finishing up
their own process of leaving the body behind and moving forward. In our
ego minds we cling to what we knew, but in doing so, we hold up progress,
both theirs and ours. When we grow to understand the changes from a
soul's perspective, a new language of communication begins. When we
learn how to embrace it and celebrate it, we actually have more peace,
happiness and joy because we are in the zone of infinite love that 'they'
are now in. It raises up our own frequencies and actually makes it
easier to feel 'them' around us. It's so important for us to
remember that we will all be together again. Our loved ones just
took an earlier train to the destination we are all going. And when
we do get 'there,' our loved ones will be waiting at the platform to greet
Bob: In light of all this, what can you tell us about how we
"chart" our exit points from the physical plane to the spiritual
plane? Do we always know when we are going to cross over?
We all have several exit opportunities charted, but there is usually no
conscious memory of this. Most people can sit and think of at least
a few times in retrospect when they 'dodged a close one.' But that
is all retrospect. No, we do not always know when we are going
to cross over, that is a private choice made in charting the soul.
Some souls may opt for awareness and to begin their life review process
while still here on earth, while others may not choose this option in
their chart, so as to create a different opportunity for learning and
growing for others here.
Bob: This has been really enlightening. I'm not sure I'll look at
the grieving process the same again. It really helps to put grief into
perspective. Thanks for teaching us all this.
You are most welcome Bob! Thank you for the opportunity to help your
readers learn more about the big picture of grief and how it effects the
work of their soul.
people would like to contact you about counseling for their grief, private
readings and/or soul work, how can they learn more about you?
They can call my office toll free at 1-866-897-1504 or visit my
or read my spiritual advice column "Ask Laura" along with
numerous articles I have written that are published on OfSpirit.com, many
of which deal directly with soul work and the subject of grief. Many of
these articles can be found of OfSpirit.com's Psychics
& Mediums page