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Fighting
Terror with Forgiveness
by D. Patrick
Miller
Let’s face it - most people probably think of forgiveness as the last
resort of losers. It’s what you’re left with after you’ve been
victimized and can’t figure out a way to inflict revenge. If there’s
no way to even the score, then you might as well settle for feeling a
little better about yourself by becoming noble. And if you forgive what
happened to you, maybe someday you can forget all about it. Or, maybe
whoever hurt you will eventually feel guilty about what they did, and come
begging for your forgiveness. Then you get to decide whether they deserve
it. (Probably not!)
However much lip service is paid to the religious ideal of forgiveness, my
guess is that this is how the majority of people think about it. And
that’s a shame, because real forgiveness is the key not only to healing
victimization, but to actually preventing attacks while reducing anxiety,
increasing intelligence, and maximizing creativity. In a time when our
politics is obsessed with the fear of terrorists, real forgiveness is the
best tool we have for fighting terror where it actually starts: in our own
minds.
I keep saying “real” forgiveness because I am not referring to the
occasional, reactive response of resignation that I described above. What
I’m talking about is a daily, ongoing discipline of releasing one’s
fears and resentments despite all the temptations to hold onto them. This
is a spiritual discipline that can be practiced without any religious
affiliation or even a belief in God.
I know this because I used to be an anxious, seriously confused cynic who
actually believed the stuff I wrote in the first paragraph. But I got over
it. I had to suffer through seven years of serious illness and
self-confrontation to change the way I thought and felt, but when I came
out on the other side I had begun to tap the potential of forgiveness, and
I remain amazed at the changes it has wrought in my life. Besides
overcoming my illness, I went from being a frustrated writer to widely
published and productive author; I went from someone incapable of
maintaining an intimate relationship to a happily married man; and I went
from someone who believed vengeance was sometimes a good idea to someone
who knows that forgiveness always works.
One doesn’t have to be an acute observer of the political scene since
September 11, 2001 to understand that fear makes people stupid. What’s
less obvious is that forgiveness makes people smarter -- and thus better
able to deal with whatever misfortune, attack, or outright evil they may
encounter. That’s because forgiveness teaches you how fear, resentment,
and terror work by progressively revealing these states of mind within
yourself. When you successfully release a little grudge or fear (and guess
what: fears and grudges are the same thing), you’ll see the next, bigger
fear that was hiding behind the little guy. When you comprehend that
bigger fear, you’ll begin to perceive the generalized anxiety behind it;
as you begin to pierce the cloudy veils of anxiety and resentment in your
mind, you may begin to see how you’ve been subtly terrorizing yourself
for years. And you can rest assured that if you’ve ever terrorized
yourself, you’ve intimidated someone else whether you meant to or not.
What we think of as terrorism for political purposes arises from exactly
the same roots deep within the human mind. The symptoms are more violent,
but the sickness is the same. When you personally understand how terror
arises, grows, and feeds on itself within you, then you will understand
how it works in other people, and you will be better able to spot where
it’s taking root and help undo it without creating victims in the
process. That’s why I don’t think we need a Patriot Act so much as we
need a Forgiveness Act, but I’m no fool: that kind of legislation
ain’t gonna get pushed through Congress anytime soon. That’s all right
because forgiveness is ultimately democratic: it’s up to each of us to
transform our hearts and minds, and then forgiveness will spread on its
own.
Now I’m a provocateur at heart, so I wouldn’t leave you without a plan
of action. Although you will soon discover that daily, ongoing forgiveness
is an incredibly complicated process of unexpected revelation and personal
revolution, the way into it is relatively simple. Over the years I have
condensed my own discipline into seven steps that can be adapted to your
own use, and they go like this:
1. Select a bitter sorrow, a serious grievance against someone, or a
punishing charge against yourself, and review it in complete detail.
2. Hold in your mind the image of whatever is to be forgiven - yourself,
another person, a past event - and say, “I release you from the grip
of my sadness, disapproval, or condemnation.” Concentrate quietly on
this intention.
3. Imagine for a while what your life will be like without the sorrow or
grievance that has been haunting you.
4. Make amends with someone you’ve hurt or someone who has hurt you;
tell a friend about your self-forgiveness; or otherwise bring your inner
work to your relationships.
5. Ask for God’s help to overcome fear or resistance at any step. If you
do not believe in God, ask for help from nature, humanity, and the
mysteries of your own mind. These are the channels through which aid is
sent - and aid is always sent.
6. Have patience. Forgiveness induces healing which follows its own order
and timing. Whether you think you have accomplished anything thus far is
less important than the fact that you have attempted a radical act that
will call forth change likely to exceed your expectations. Go about your
daily business, but stay alert to unexpected shifts in your thinking,
feeling, and relationships.
7. Repeat steps 1 through 6 as often as necessary, for life.
That’s it! You can fight terror today by forgiving the next little thing
that bugs you - and then forgive whatever comes next. Rest assured that
on your way to greater peace, sharper intelligence, and a true
fearlessness, you’ll always find plenty of opportunities to forgive.
© 2004 by D. Patrick Miller. Reprinted
with the permission of the author. “Seven Steps of Forgiveness” appear
in the Tenth Anniversary Edition of A LITTLE BOOK OF FORGIVENESS:
Challenges and Meditations for Anyone with Something to Forgive.
____________________
D. Patrick Miller is the founder of
Fearless Books and the author of six titles, including the Tenth
Anniversary Edition of A LITTLE BOOK OF FORGIVENESS: Challenges and
Meditations for Anyone with Something to Forgive. Visit Fearless Books
online at www.fearlessbooks.com
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