A comical representation of this is Hyacinth Bucket from the series Keeping up Appearances. Have you noticed the stress, upset and attempts to avoidance she brings about? Unfortunately in everyday life the same thing happens. The real life “Hyacinths” are such constricting and criticizing in their efforts to be the center of attention, that it leads to what they fear mostly: loss of relationships.

I think social and gentle persons are foremost prone to fall victim to the above described emotional vampires. Especially if you are a child or partner of such a person, it won’t be easy to live your own life.
They may use subtle manipulation methods that speak to your heart: their willingness to help you, support you financially, their loneliness after having lost their partner, their worries about your well-being, their dependence on you, they could use ill health to draw your attention, or give hints and advices. Please don’t get me wrong: to a certain extent all these things belong to a normal relationship, but in a possessive one they are used to make you do what they want, to exercise power with velvet gloves. And if you dare to act independent, they will let you know with great self-pity or anger that you misbehave, and that you are their source of unhappiness. Of course conjuring up feelings of guilt is a mighty weapon to fight your spiritual freedom and progress.

So what to do? It is important to understand the psychology of the situation. Please know that, no matter how loving you wish to be, you can’t live somebody else's life. It is your responsibility to do something useful with the gift of your life, and your level of happiness will let you know in as far you are aligned with your heart. Unhappiness, illness and energy drains will show you that something is wrong. No one besides you can find your aim for this life. Calmly but persistently insist on your personal space. Saying No to a loved one does not mean that you have stopped loving that person. The possessive person needs to learn that relationships flower in love and freedom, not in imposed dutifulness. Love is happily giving without thinking about receiving, and not trading tit for tat. Someone else can never meet one’s expectations, therefore please learn to let things and people be. Work with affirmations like “I put faith in myself” and “I am love”.

Two Bach flower remedies can be a great help in the process of loosening a possessive relationship:
Centaury for the nice, helpful and too gentle person who is dominated. Chicory for the demanding, possessive and critical person who needs constantly nurturing through the love and attention of others.

Probably you’ll have to take a confrontation into account; sometimes a storm is necessary to clean the air and make space for inner growth. Well, from old the thunderstorms are attributed to the chief gods. It can bring about the fire of healing for both parties.

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